Are Internet Friends True Friends?
09/10/2007, 11 months 3 weeks ago
How many people online do you count as friends? Is your network on LinkedIn or Facebook extensive? As we become more and more connected perhaps we need to evaluate our digital self in relation to our physical one. Researchers are claiming that online ties, while often extensive, do not reflect any increase at all in people's close friendships. Is the digital world really as shallow as all that and do human beings have to have “face to face” contact to bond closely? Perhaps human interaction on the Web is too deep to disect with MySpace analysis - maybe we should be evaluating those 400 emails and IM's you have with your friends.
According to evolutionary psychologist Will Reader of Sheffield Hallam University close friendships require face-to-face contact. In a meeting sponsored by the British Association for the Advancement of Science, Reader revealed research on Facebook and MySpace where people answered questions their attitudes toward friendships. According to their findings 90 percent of all those surveyed said that face to face associations are imperative to forming close bonds. One of the biggest variables according to the study is the interpretation of body language as a method of establishing credibility and trust.
No News
This news is not exactly a “flash” to any of us who have inhabited this space for any time. Somehow evaluating the most clinical of networks like MySpace does not seem like science to me. Extended social networks certainly do not mean that a person has more true close friends, but establishing a median increase in real friendships could not possibly be accomplished with “fly by” science directed at just popular forums. Everyone seems to marvel at the vast numbers of people on these networks while failing to understand that interactions outside these places is more extensive and often more personal.
Measuring Methods
Research actual friend interactions in relation to Internet usage a study at Carnegie Mellon University conducted from 1995 - 2003 revealed that Internet usage may actually increase user interaction with friends. This study used several methodologies to measure the impact of the Internet on friends and family, and while it is not directed specifically at online relationships it does reflect that measuring systems reveal diverse results. The point is, one cannot use huge social networking sites to gauge anything but huge networking sites.
Friends and Acquaintances
If a person is online looking for a shortcut to making friends and gaining influence they may be in for a rude awakening. However, in my experience people on the Web more or less mirror their non-digital selves all be it somewhat less inhibited. A lesson I learned a long time ago is that there is a huge difference between an acquaintance and a friend. This is something we all tend to forget in both the physical and digital worlds. So, a surfer can easily make an acquaintance at MySpace or any other social network, but the friendship aspect is virtually the same as offline - it takes time and effort to be friends.
Web 2.0 and Friends
The emergence of fantastic innovation and communication in the last couple of years has opened doors no one could dream of back in “the day”. Here at Profy and across my wide wanderings on the Net the single overwhelming aspect of Web 2.0 is connectivity. We are here to be connected, to collaborate, inform, help, enjoy and be acquaintances and friends. I consider so many people close friends and occasionally as close as many non-digital ones. A friend I played online games with for a couple of years once sent me $1500 because I was in a bind. I have never seen this person's face, yet I know him as well as if we lived next door, in fact my neighbors at that time would not have given me CPR if I needed it. I have dozens of stories like this as I am sure many of you do. Close friends are cultivated and nurtured here as they are in any domain.
Conclusion
Analysis is great but it should be carried out in an appropriate way so that blanket statements don't taint evidence. Certainly face-to-face interactions are preferable and much richer, but in the absence of physical contact this is the next best thing.Outside body language there is textual inflection and also a heightened sense of human intent from other stimuli. Human beings are imminently adaptable creatures and Internet social skills are just another coping hurdle for many. In the end a human being can make lifelong friends from inside a bottle. Web 2.0 has reunited me with long lost friends, taken me into the offices and thoughts of some of the most brilliant and charming people on the planet. I hope to see all my online friends on the beach soon, but until then I will be their true friend here on the Web - another part of the world made up of you.
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You have expressed it very nicely.
My answer to your question would be… “yes”
Online relationships are quite strong. Pretty often it happened to me that what started as a business cooperation ended up in a strong friendship.
Every online strategy begins with quantity and thus Portals which are targeting quantity networking like LinkedIn first. Sure I don’t know many of the people who ask to be connected to me and on that particular portal it has reached over 13.000 direct contacts. That is purely quantity because indeed for quality networking you need better profiling enabling rich content such as photo and video in order to choose from that networked quantity the specific profiles to invite to your quality network.
Here it becomes interesting, because quality networking may begin with all the features needed to ensure in-depth profiling as described, it also needs ad-hoc communication tools (such as e.g. Skype with video). That comes close to meeting face to face and if you add some online desktop collaborating as well, you are almost there.
The finishing touch, in order to really get an online frienship or business relationship started is by recognizing the networking-style of the person you interact with. Is he or she adjacent or complementary to your networking style?
That is the key to making friends online. More on: http://www.onlinenetworking.biz or http://www.opennetworkers.info
Ray van den Bel
ex-author at Profy and owner of the Open Networkers Movement
i agree with you 100% regarding the adaptability. and once again, i suggest let’s not that the “problems” with the internet aren’t quite as new as we make them out to be. we’ve always had asynchronous, distant relationships. before the internet (remember that?) there was the telephone and letter-writing. i have a very close relationship with someone in germany who i’ve only seen five times in the last 25 years. i consider an internet friend, who i’ve never met in person and with whom i’ve talked on the phone no more than three times, as one of my closest friends. on the other hand, i have LOTS of acquaintances who i see in person many times during the year.
I couldn’t disagree more. Physical contact doesn’t guarantee closeness. I have friends, partners and colleagues who I’ve never met face to face buy we know each other very well and I keep in constant touch with them.
I do agree that the numbers game is stupid, having hundreds of contacts you don’t know just to feel connected. The few you do know, and a small number of contacts and fans who you are close with, is all that it takes in life.
This is something I have been thinking about for quite some time. Here we are, in the middle of this web 2.0 social networking craze, adding people as friends that may not be friends at all. If I were to ask a majority of social networking users if most of the people on their friends list could actually be considered friends, I have a hunch that the answer would be no, which leads me to my next question.
With the advent of social networks, has the term FRIEND lost it’s meaning? Just because a user is on your friends list, does that make them a true friend? According to Wiktionary, a friend is defined as, A person other than a family member, spouse or lover whose company one enjoys and towards whom one feels affection. Can you honestly say that you feel this way towards everyone on your friends list?
If the meaning of the word FRIEND has changed, due to social networking on the web, then what would the new definition be? Am I paranoid, or does anyone else see a problem here?
It’s a very interesting concept. I was talking with an actual friend about this the other day. It seems that these social networking websites are taking down a lot of the walls that used to be. Some good, but some still bad. For instance, you can make an account and post any number of pictures and deceive many if you choose to do so. This is a dangerous game to play for unsuspecting youth and those who are easily impressionable. I have met many people online, but an honest assessment of these individuals would leave me counting very few of them as actual friends.
It’s a dangerous world out there and it can be just as dangerous in the comfort of your computer chair chatting with your ‘buddies’. Be careful and don’t give out too much of the wrong information. If your under the age of 18, talk to your parents and get their advice. It’s sad what people are capable of and how some suffer for it. Be smart people
Be smart.
I am looking for good honust persons to sheare ideas.